Just when I think my life is set to quieten down, a gust of wind comes along with a noise that deafens me. To tell you the honest truth MamaBakers, this last fortnight has been the hardest in a long time. However it has also been filled with moments of pure joy and elation. So as not to overwhelm you, I thought it might be best to intersperse the bitter and the sweet for an even read. Here goes…
I had been waiting on some test results from Ireland that would determine whether or not I could move forward with a new medical treatment that could potentially really help me (as I am no longer responding well to my current regime). Well the test results came in…. they were positive. In this case positive is a negative thing. It means that I am positive for an antibody that predisposes me for contracting a serious disease if I were to undertake this treatment. There is only a small risk, but not one I’m willing to take. So…. no treatment for me. Pretty intense right?!
I had so many feelings regarding these test results. On one hand, I was absolutely devastated that I was unable to move forward with the new treatment. I was banking on it to give me the jump-start I need into health and wellness. On the other hand, I am so grateful that my doctors made this test available to me. Without it out the outcome may have been dire. I can now be 100% sure that I will never face the awful fate and contract the serious disease. After time to process, I am choosing to look at the positive side (this is my natural tendency). The question now begs, what do I do to improve my health and wellness? I have an appointment with my head immunologist doctor in a couple of weeks to discuss options. I’ll keep you posted.
In spite of the drama of the test results, life has been ebbing and flowing as usual and my daughter’s birth draws ever closer – I get more and more excited each day. Last weekend, Ash and I put the finishing touches on the nursery and I am in love with it. I just want to curl up and hibernate in there! We have added a beautiful wooden toy box (Ash did the building this time haha), a lamp with a delicate shade made of white paper with tiny cut out leaves that provides the softest light that shines out between the cut-outs (perfect for late night feeds), an amazing white cuckoo style clock with a swinging pendulum (however it is completely silent), and last but not least, a beautiful wall decal of a dandelion blowing in the wind.
The only thing I am waiting on now is my felt rug to arrive which should come next week and it will all be perfect! Working on the nursery with Ash, was a such a lovely bonding experience and we felt so close to each other; discussing our list of baby names, our ideas on parenting, what we think she will look like and how we think the birth will be. It was such a magical weekend. We have been in every day since and had a little rock in the chair and a sigh at how lovely the room is. We just need our baby to go in it now! Not long to go… February is approaching fast!
Another thing I have been starting to do to get ready for bub’s arrival is stock the freezer. Thanks to all the MamaBakers who answered my request for recipe suggestions on MamaBake Facebook Page. They were wonderfully inspiring! So far I have made meatballs and a zucchini, carrot and parsnip slice – both of which my husband absolutely loved. I have really been getting excited by MamaBake. Just this morning I took the Pecan & Coconut Butter recipe to the next level and made organic toasted almond, cocoa & treacle butter – it’s pretty yummy if I do say so myself. Mmmm!
I think one of the great things about MamaBake is the sense of community among the women – something that I am really coming to appreciate and value. Yesterday I had to tap into my own community of women who are close to me and ask for help and it was one of the hardest things I have had to do as a woman and mama-to-be. Since the start of the pregnancy, I had always been planning to put together some kind of back – up emergency contact list including my good friends, so that if ever there was an emergency and I needed urgent medical help and neither Ash or my family were around, there would be somebody to help out and my daughter would always be cared for. My idea was to try and get some kind of loose roster in place so that every day 24/7 was accounted for. I feel like I just need to be extra smart and super prepared for any situation. Anyway, that was my theory, but I never did anything about it because I felt really awkward and embarrassed and I historically do not ask for help… with anything… ever. I will run myself into the ground first.
Yesterday changed everything. I had to rush to hospital urgently and unexpectedly for tests and observation. It gave me a big scare. What if this happens once I have a baby and Ash is not around and my family are not close by? When I got home, I swallowed my pride, gritted my teeth, let the tears flow and wrote openly to my nearest and dearest, asking them for help. It was so, so hard. But it had to be done – for my daughter. I have already had some wonderful replies that have warmed my heart. (On another note, I am fine following the trip to hospital – I am monitoring myself for a few days and will see how I go; fingers crossed the issue resolves soon).
I am very, very lucky to have wonderful friends in my corner. Another lovely thing they are doing is planning the baby shower to end all baby showers – I have a committee on the case! However I will save details on this for the next time I write as I am sure you are overloaded with information by now. Stay tuned for news on the baby shower, 28 week scan, our birth plan, and more.
Be well,Natalia x
Read Kerri-ann’s (the surrogate mother) story here and the other parts to Natalia’s Diary of Surrogacy: 1, 2, 3 & 4.
More about Natalia
Natalia is writing a book for families that are having children via surrogacy. Natalia and her partner believe that it is important for children to understand the truth about their history.
The book is a story book that parents can read to children so that the idea that they were born via surrogacy is part of the fabric of their life. Natalia consulted with an expert psychologist to get the messaging right and it is now being illustrated. She is self-publishing and it will be released in early 2013.
Natalia is currently seeking supporters and sponsors for the production costs. There is a sponsorship proposal that interested parties can look at – personal or commercial -(please email:info@acrosstheverge.com ). You can also follow the book’s progress via the FaceBook page.
